anime - amatsuki - smile - summer


I may seem like a giant flake, but I don't do friendbacks unless I feel like I'm connecting like hell with a person and my mind kinda spazzes and goes "where have you been all my life?"

It's partly because I have been burned in the past wherein I'd friend people back and then since we never really talked in the first place, while I got into reading them, they disappeared, stopped commenting and it felt like an unrequited relationship. My f-list is actually pretty private now as a result. People are free to lurk, but friending me doesn't mean that I'll get around to friending back any time soon.

And you don't have to friend me - you can track posts, or do RSS feeds. If you feel hurt by my stance, you do have alternative options to friending.

I also think friending everyone whose been on the flist a while and filtering them out when I read the flist is a bigger insult than not friending them back. I want to be able to say that I read my flist and try to connect with the people. I connect mainly through fandom posts. I'm not going to friend/keep someone on if I'm not willing to give them at least that much attention.

I'm also someone who is normally a GIANT lurker. Participation in fandom things doesn't actually come normally. Three times in the past, I've tried to do a couple of big, awesome things - but in the end I flaked out, avoided commitments and then discovered it was too late. And yeah, I think of those things and I feel like the biggest asshat ever.

LJ is all about fandom for me - its something that I've needed but never had - ever since I was in middle school really. It's an outlet and even a bit of escapism from RL to just enjoy and share the love. I try to ignore wank apart from watching it while eating popcorn, 'cause that's not why I'm here. Truthfully, if LJ does become more drama than its worth, I know I'll probably log off one day and never come back. That's just me.

For now though, LJ is still a pretty awesome place :)
I understand how you feel. I have a huge flist, and I don't use filters to read it. There are so many people I don't feel any connection to. It's very strange that they even want to stay on my flist, if they've never even said so much as a hello. ^_~
Did a poll once for the f-list asking if peeps were reading etc. and I was surprised that there were *quite* a few lurkers who didn't comment.

Your flist is MASSIVE and I have no idea how you cope. I remember I once got to 250 peeps or so and I just stopped commenting cause there were just too many posts to read. And I skimmed a lot *sigh*

I wish friending required people to at least write a one liner saying at least "luv your iconz, moar plz" or something so we know that ok, not completely random empty ljs that may or may not be stalkers..
Actually, you never know even about the people who do comment. I discovered someone who defriended me was watching my LJ with a sockpuppet. She made a mistake and posted in that LJ with her main account. She had a fake identity and made up a few posts so the LJ wouldn't be empty.

That's why you will almost never see me posting really personal stuff in my LJ. ^_~
I know one person on my flist with dual accounts, the one used being an lj for the slash - but yeah, get what you mean.

If I posted about RL, this lj would be under lockdown, period. I have no interest in airing stuff that private in public.
I'll pretty much friend anyone back if they have similar interests and we've exchanged a few comments - which makes it likely we'll get on, and I'll find their LJ interesting enough to comment on every now and then - but I find it pretty bizarre when people with bare LJs, who I've never had any interaction with, just friend me out of the blue. They don't get friended back, heh. That's just wierd.

Popcorn! Salt or sweet? :)
That happens to me a lot and I ignore them too. I've been getting a lot of those in the last few months and I find them really freaky. Just had one today in fact. *sighs* I really hate that.

I realised it a month ago but since Dec, there have been 80+ friendings and even if most of them are active journals, I'd never be able to get to know all these people without feeling like I'm drowning under posts. As soon as the flist gets too large I stop commenting and I don't want that to happen again.
That's pretty much my policy, too. I'm all about the connections - I've met so many awesome people online, and I've even managed to meet and hang out with a few in real life. :)
Yeah, exactly! I feel guilty 'cause there are a couple of people who do comment once in a month or two but we've never really gotten to commenting back and forth yet - or their lj has things which I don't read. So unless I'm feeling a connection, I'm not going to do anything.

(Then there are the peeps who I probably should have friended a while ago but have managed to miss for some reason *sigh*)
I got into the habit of friending just to track fandom/fic/whatever, mostly 'cos I'm lazy - and it's so much easier to 'be updated' just by scrolling down my flist.

I'm a notorious lurker as well, so - it's alright with me if you choose not to friend back. :)
You are so me when I started LJ! I actually didn't even care about the f-list - to me it was just a reading list to keep track of the shiny. I never expected it to become something more. Kinda scary that way...
I don't really expect ppl to comment on my LJ (I'm usually kind of o.O when they do on some of them, actually) but I do expect to have at least some kind of connection, as you mentioned. A lot of the more recent ones have been really strange - either blank journals or people who I wonder where the hell they found me as it appears there are no common interests. I used to friend back but then found that they didn't update their journals and didn't bother to connect with me at all so I defriended them and don't bother any more unless they do try to connect with me in some way. (friends-only announcement posts are awesome that way...)

It just always surprises me that people aren't courteous enough to try to read the userinfo - I always do, just to see if anyone even remotely has the same sorts of interests... I don't really like huge friends-lists tho and wish I could cut down, but most of the current friends I have I either know personally (as in real life) or have connected with on communities or other peoples' LJs and get on with well enough to try to stay friends with them. (for the most part) There are still a few who I would defriend if not for their drama queen antics that having been thru totally unnecessary personal drama recently, I just don't want to get into that right now.

(sorry for the long comment but I do have a strong interest in this sort of thing *sheepish*)
I've come to realise that even if I do share interests with peeps (which is rather often, 'cause hello, multi-fandom XD) it's still possible that we'll never communicate.

And I think I've taken a "Bitch, I will cut you!!1!" approach to drama queens. RL keeps me busy enough - don't need more on LJ and there's really no reason I need to put up with it. The only thing preventing me from defriending those kinds of peeps is really just me. And while they might hate my guts, in the long run it'll be better for both parties.
*nods* I'm in (and out) of several fandoms myself so I understand. I've got a few friends in fandoms that I no longer participate in who are still friends, but quite a few more I haven't spoken to and defriended a long time ago, and it's kind of sad to notice that a few of these ppl never even noticed. (they still have me friended, for one thing...)

That makes sense. I shouldn't really put up with it either, but my friends tell me I'm too sensitive and soft for my own good. (and I know they're right...*sheepish*) I know the latest issue was good for me in that this person had been causing me a LOT of stress (even tho she claimed to be a friend) and it was just basically the impetus I needed to get her off my flist. (tho honestly, she defriended me first - it just seemed she waited until she knew I wasn't going to be around so she could say she did it first, that's the type of person she can be) Things have been a lot better without her, tho it does make things awkward with mutual friends.

I do lurk a lot with authors and artists because of shy (believe it or not) but at the same time if I feel you're approchable I comment a lot and actually have to pull back. I'm sorry if I seem like a comment ho! I'm really trying not to comment on each and every one of your posts. =/

I just finished The Official Autobiography by HP and when I read his opening paragraph I was like *sporfle* I WRITE LIKE HARRY POTTER. *dies*
There are one or two people who intimidate me like hell and whenever I keep there are typos and I'm always afraid my opinion will get misunderstood or dismissed. It's easier just to lurk on some ljs.

I'm sorry if I seem like a comment ho! I'm really trying not to comment on each and every one of your posts. =/

It's fine XD Since most peeps don't, I'm not really drowning under comments in that way hahaha Don't be afraid to holler which your thoughts whenever. The worst that can happen is that I can fail to respond (which can happen when I get distracted by shiny)

Man, need to catch up :O
Don't be afraid to holler which your thoughts whenever. The worst that can happen is that I can fail to respond (which can happen when I get distracted by shiny)

Oh that's fine you have soooo many interests and I can barely keep up with H/D and slash reading. I always look at not replying at every single thing as a matter of decorum. Like the person is sophisticated or something. I just don't want you to feel like OMG Moo STFU Hoor! So if you see me blathering just let me blather away, it makes me happy. :DDDD
I changed my friending policy last year because I would get friended by people who would then defriend me after maybe a month or two, and it was annoying to go through that whole friending-unfriending dance. If people ask to be friended, I always friend back, but otherwise I assume they're just there to lurk. But, I don't filter any personal journals out (Just communities), either. I just like having a big flist. Sometimes when I'm at work and it gets slow, I wish it was bigger. XD
Oh, I hate when that happens - nowaday, if I stumble on an lj and don't necessarily feel an immediate connection, I'll track the posts for a while and see. If I find myself connecting with the posts I'll friend. I find that less stressful than friending and defriending.

There are times when I do wish it was bigger but just as often I'm relieved that I can sort of keep up with posts now...
i don't usually post personal things on my lj. it's basically just so that i can participate in the hp fandom (and the naruto fandom on occasion) and post my fics, some of which are really old and kinda embarrassing. *laughs*

i get a lot of "friend me" requests from blank journals--people who want to read my fics, which are all f-locked since the slash through--and it's kinda weird, but oh well! i don't check my friends page very often, i just have a bunch of sites in my memory or on delicious that i check every so often. i think if i wanted to start using my friends page the way that other people do, i'd have to put all my fics on a community, which would be such a pain...

might have to some day, though. i feel bad about some people that i've lost touch with over the years, from not commenting. and i love checking lj's like yours, which are active and have interesting posts about various things.

but there's just something about the online world that makes it impossible for me to prioritize it above things in RL. like... i love writing fanfiction, but i don't know if i want to continue doing it if it means that i won't have enough time for my own creative writing. and the job that i just applied for and will loooove. and my bf, who's sooo compu-tarded and doesn't understand what i'm doing staring at the computer screen for hours on end ^_^
Lurker here! *waves* Don't worry about friending me back, I tend to do that random friending thing that freaks some people out... if you look interesting, you get friended. I don't expect to be friended back right away, or even ever. I just like reading your posts. And you're pretty much a gold mine for recs, fandom or otherwise. Thanks! :)
I started out lurking, but I'm trying to get into the habit of commenting on my f-list's posts. I read all of them, and I usually have something to say (especially on discussion/fandom posts, which is why I love your journal :D), but most of the time I'm too lazy to articulate my thoughts and organise them into something coherent enough to post *_*

As for RL posts, I'm generally really public about my personal life, so I don't have that many f-locked posts. The only ones I hide from the public are the ones that are exceptionally whiny or contain questionable content :P
I am the queen of lurking. Sorry about that. I tend to read much MUCH more than I comment, although I have a few people that I talk to on a regular basis. Mostly my LJ is just for reading my f-list. I'm a big Harry/Draco reader (but not so big a commenter). Also, no comp of my own right now, so commenting is sometimes a problem when I have no privacy! (geez, how's a girl supposed to read the pr0n around here?!) :p

You are a waterfall of info m'dear! And H/D is my OTP, so it was bound to happen that I'd friend you. :p
I friended you because your posts are always chocked full o' good information about the fandoms that I love. I don't expect you to friend me back. BTW, keep up with the good work. :)
Hey, I friended 'cause I'm interested. People who get upset about others not friending back should probably evaluate their self-esteem and general sense of contentment?

Apathy is a wonderful thing! We don't have to care about the entire world, and we don't have to friend them back. Life will go on. Even if someone gets bitchy, ignore and life will still go on. \o/
I had my comment all typed up and ready to post and then accidentally closed out my browser window. But basically, I was going to agree with you. Especially about feeling like there's a connection. That's really important when I'm deciding if to friend someone.
I have a totally laid back friending "policy."

"I'll friend whomever I want. Ya'll are welcome to do the same."

I never understood this, "U MUST FRIENDZ ME BAAAAAAAACK," so on and so forth. I friend whom I like to read so that I can read them. People are welcome to trust me enough to do the same or don't.

I comment when I am moved to, generally, and keep it at that. Everybody's going to do their thang in the way that makes them happy.
*waves* Hi! Um, I friended you a few weeks ago because I came across a link to your reviews of fics, which I find really interesting and helpful by the way! I guess you could call me a lurker. Don't worry about friending me back, there are no hard feelings! My flist basically serves as a reading list right now anyway:]
- Chance
I used to friend everyone who added me because I thought I had to, like you do me a favour and I'll return it. Now I know better. I have no obligation to friend every single person back. My f-list is small, compared to some but it still feels quite big to me and I don't even know half of those on it as well as I wanted to.

It's hard to find someone who connects, even rarer to find that person who share so much more than just common interests. I may sound cheesy or cliche when I say this, but I really appreciate being able to find a person that connects with me.
amen sister.

i friended you coz i think you're a really awesome picture, and i enjoy what you do and write. i don't mind if you dont friend me back, but if you ever do i'd be happy. either way, it's cool--i just enjoy reading what you have to say. :)
LOL, my filters are people, community, and feeds. LOL.
When I don't have time I read people filter.

I'm pretty new to LJ, and I don't have a massive f-list (yet =P), but my stance would probably be the same as yours. Well, maybe not the fandom part, but I'd only friend someone if I felt a connection or I'm interested in what they have to say.

That said, I don't feel insulted if someone doesn't friend me back. 'The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love and be loved in return ~ Moulin Rouge'
Well, at least I got the first part right. XP
i friended you because i want to get to know u more because i love the fandoms ur in. i totally understand what you mean, i really dont expect to get friended back, im more of a lurker anyways lol

I kind of view my flist as a reading list so if the people I friend don't friend me back, I'm fine because I'm interested in what they're posting about.

Plus, LJ is something I check every day (obsessed? never) I tend to lurk in basically everywhere else.
It's a shame people have done horrible things to you after you have friended them.

Luckily for me the only realy damage someone has inflicted is mass hotlinking and I just moved my images and that was the end of it.

I find it so annoying when people use private information about you against you, especially on an online service where you can do all types of things to keep anonymous.

It's a shame really.
I'm a lurker as well and I've found it hard to find people who I can really sit back and chat with. Fandom is helping though, most of all people who aren't about the drama but are about having fun and being fangirls. Also, the pretty fan art helps. I've got a small friends list now but if you'd checked out my profile two years ago, there were at least 200 people on there, now I've discovered the joy of RSS and it's gone down big time.
I've turned into one big lurker but I still enjoy your posts and SQUEES! And you take me back to when I watched Robotech every day. *sigh... Lancer* You also got me into the last Air Bender show. =D
Haha, I understand where you are coming from:)

As far as friending goes as long as you put some of your posts unlocked I heart you! I love reading your reviews and stuff!
Hear, hear!
I also think friending everyone whose been on the flist a while and filtering them out when I read the flist is a bigger insult than not friending them back.

Oops! (edited) :P

Edited at 2008-05-09 08:41 pm (UTC)
Hello! I'm actually using one of your awesome codes for my layout, as a matter of fact you helped me fix it a few days ago. Anyway, I'm friending you and I would love it if you friended me back. Either way, I'm just letting ya know I friended you so you don't think I'm some random stalker commenting on your entries. :)
Awww so should I be totally honoured?! (now I keep imagining spreading my arms and saying 'Here I am, come to my embrace! Glad to find you!!' :D)

Actually I am, since there are bunch of people stalking your journal, and you friended me after short 'knowing', and well, I'm not sure your mind went spazzy about me...:P

I am really glad I can see your flocked posts because every day when I check my RSS and flist I'm looking forward seeing what new you got...;)

While I, err, post rarely on this journal...
Hi, I stumbled across your journal a few days ago and couldn't help but notice "I-35" being said on one of your posts. My initial reaction was ".. wait, maybe there are other interstates with the same name, idk? 8D;;" Buuut long story short, since you've mentioned on your profile that you attend UNT then I know for sure that we happen to live in the same area! .. only a wee bit farther apart (I'm around Lake Worth, hurhur). Uhm, I don't normally have friends (or anime acquaintances, for that matter) who live close my area, but I just thought I'd give a minor shout-out about that, and as to why I'd added you as a friend♥ Hope to get to know you better!
Hello. I'm just commenting as to why I friended you, and figured here was a good a place as any.

I think your posts are awesome, full of cool links and stuff, and i've discovered quite a few things I now follow from your journal.

I'm a lurker, in a big way. I read my flist, follow links, but rarely comment or post. I love my fandoms, but don't contribute much (i'm a very bad fangirl) even though I totally (silently) fangirl better fangirls.

I've been lurking on your journal for a while, coming to see the last batch of entries and finally decided it would be easier to just add you, so now I have. ;) Though now i'll see much less of your pretty layout.

So, hi. :D

Hiya Gossymer,

A friend told me about your fabulous LJ account and here I am after reading your FYI (or is it FMI since it was for my info ... *ponder*). Anywho, I am relatively new to Live Journal but I still think you are pretty cool, even from just the most cursitory of glances.

So ... that is basically it. XD